Born a Monster

The general lived in a small tent, for now. It rested on a raised platform, and I could see the planks cut to make walls with. Whatever shortages there were of lumber elsewhere, there seemed to be an abundance locally.

He finished signing three dispatches, handing them off to couriers. They took off at a dignified trot, not running but also not taking their time.

“So,” he whined in a nasal voice, “tell me all you know of Shi Xinyi.”

I cleared my throat. WHO?

Oh, him.

“He came among us like a thunderbolt, challenging entire units to come at him. I have heard his mother was sentenced to guard a gate for daring to win a contest. Not much else, to be honest.”

“And tell me this – was he taken alive?”

“That is my understanding, but not something I saw with my own eyes.”

.....

“And now the part that matters. I have been offered to trade your life for his.”

“Hardly a conundrum.”

“I agree. The exchange is to take place this evening.”

WHAT? I mean, sure in terms of raw power...

“Great general, this guard begs dispensation to speak!”

“You feel we should behead the captive?”

“Yes, great general.”

The general sighed, and began speaking as though to a small child. “Can you count our siege weapons?”

“General?”

“Our siege weapons. The things that throw large rocks over long distances. How many of the nearly one hundred we have built are still operational?”

“Sixteen, at the last time I could count them, lord general.”

“So... roughly one in six?”

“I do not dispute the general’s math.”

“Would you like to be fired from one at the top of the citadel wall?”

He properly kept his vision lowered.

“Most men would be on the ground begging not to.”

The guard sighed. “I will not disgrace my ancestors by begging, but no, I would not choose to be hurled at the enemy wall. I have neither Shi Xinyi’s luck, nor his chi abilities. From the top of the wall, I would not have dared to leap off and confront the enemy in all their strength.”

“Such is the greatness of that hero, that he survived all three of these improbable things. Do you disagree he is fated for a glorious death?”

“Nobody would dare to debate that!”

“And is languishing in prison something that should happen to such a hero?”

“Well, there is a prophecy regarding this very prisoner...”

The general took in a deep breath. “A prophecy, you say. That he shall slay our great leader, Zaodong Hwang?”

“Yes, lord general.”

“You have had charge of him for several days, have you not?”

“Yes, I have.”

“And you’ve not been killed by him? Not once felt truly threatened by him?”

“I would have killed him in an instant!”

“Excellent. Then you can see that he is clearly NOT worth the value of Shi Xinyi. We make the trade.”

“But... but... he will continue to live.”

“And so will Shi Xinyi. Raise your head, look me in the eyes and tell me he is more fierce, or more mighty, or more skilled than our warrior hero. I will order you to behead this monster now, and that will be the end of this matter.”

“I...” He kept his gaze lowered, and sighed before raising his eyes. “I would have my cousin returned safely. Fuck Zaodong Hwang, if he is ever so inept to be taken out by ... by THIS. But in loyalty to our leader as well, we should be ready to execute him, if this is a trick by the defenders to free him, or if Shi Xinyi has been harmed.”

“Excellent! I have had trouble finding just that balance of loyalty and realism among my own men. Shi Gong, you shall take charge of four dozen men commanded by my daughter, whom you do NOT command, am I clear on that point?”

“I would never...” he visibly cringed as her masked gaze (a brass oni mask, eyes glowing red with obvious enchantment) fell upon him. “I understand, great general, and thank you for the trust that you are showing me.”

“Excellent. Review your troops, and then move out. Let them see from the wall that we have brought their dragon-man... Oh, so sorry, their dragon-eunich back to them.”

Some truths do not need to be spoken; other than a bit of silver that somehow got inside me, THAT wound was healing nicely, little as there was to heal down there.

He took a look at his soldiers; I took a look at his soldiers. They weren’t quite champion level, but they’d give the average Norvik soldier a pretty even fight.

“Well, we’re burning daylight, let’s go.”

Shi Gong advanced toward the gate, just within range of the archers on the walls. Then I was moved to the front of the formation. I guess this was really happening, since nobody attempted to shoot arrows.

I also noticed that Kumanchu hadn’t come to lay claim to me. There was a reason I didn’t want him to do that, a reason I could sometimes remember...

Ah, well, if it were important, I could remember it later.

Actually, it made no sense for me to want to go back to him. I don’t think I’d sworn him anything. And, I mean, a lot of the evil things that happened to me were directly from his decisions.

But there was movement, first above and then at the Rice Gate. Slowly, it opened, and the portcullis raised. A group of about equal to our size came out. Nobody I recognized... no, wait. Maternity armor. I couldn’t remember her name, but I knew her as a friend.

Too bad I had to kill her for being on the other side as Kumanchu.

Wait, wasn’t I on the other side from Kumachu? Wasn’t that what this whole prisoner exchange thing was about?

Wait, why couldn’t I remember whether I was Kumanchu’s prisoner or not?

“Let them advance most of the way.” Shi Gong said. “It would not do us well, to make the exchange, and then be betrayed by arrow fire.”

And this was done, both sides marching up to within sling and javelin range of each other.

Shi Xinyi was easy to spot; he stood a head and a bit above any other man there. He was muscled, and his dark skin... wait, was that second level skin? I mean, obviously I picked it up from the kobolds so long ago, but how had HE gotten that?

He walked tall, with a broad smile. No marks of torture on him, which cause a bit of Envy to just ding off my sin armor. Meng Wa advanced with him, Shi Gong with me.

The two Shi cousins embraced, hands going to not-quite-polite places. Whatever, I had my own reunion.

At least I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

“Meng Wa,” I said, “I appreciate this gesture, but I ought to return to the fu dog, Kumanchu.”

“Tell your noble women that, before you go. Decorum, and all.”

“Of course.” I said. “I’m certain they shall understand.”

And they DID understand, if not the way I wanted.

“Fires, children of the hell flames, hear me, fear me, and obey! I am the Blacksoul Madonna, and I command you to consume all of these curses on my doltish husband. IGNITE CURSE!”

Oh, I screamed, and there were many hands holding me down. I thrashed my neck, and gnashed my teeth. I think I begged and cursed, but I honestly don’t remember that part clearly. And then, mercifully, I passed out.

I awoke with more bruises than at any other point since I’d been captured, and the taste akin to a healing potion in my mouth. Someone had beaten me about the eyes, and broken two... no, three of my ribs.

And I was hacking up phlegm that tasted of charcoal.

Oh, and some barbarian or other had rolled me onto my back.

“Ugh.” I said, and then made a bunch of unintelligible noises.

“Yes, husband. I may have burned a good bit of you, as well.” Madonna told me.

“Hrmph.” Kismet added. “Teaches him right, losing another fight. Be honest, you fought while at or below half health, didn’t you?”

“Eyeaaa.” I gargled.

[Serious Injury: severed vocal cords.]

[Serious Injury: singed lungs]

[Serious Injury: exposed spinal column. (priority healing)]

Just as a curiosity, I tried to feel back there, underneath the copper-scented bandages. Kismet slapped my hand away.

“No, you do NOT sever your own spine by scratching that.”

I sent.

“That was akin to something we might have done in the hells.” Madonna said, “Where did you GET that beast of a curse?”

“You owe me a silver.” She told Kismet. “He’s still talking coherently.”

.....

“Fine, here. I’m not sure he’s TALKING, but that was the spirit of that bet. Now give it back.”

“No, I won this one fair and square.”

“You said he’d be missing his eyes or something when he got back. You owe ME a silver.”

“Fine, take this one. I’m keeping my prize.”

But, by the mercy of family ties, I was back among my friends.